Category Archives: Meditation

Giving Up?

A friend of mine decided in her late 20’s that she didn’t want kids. She just couldn’t see giving up what she wanted to have a child. She had a certain order to her life, with enough time to devote to work, husband, and hobbies. She had more than enough money for a comfortable life, home and vacations included. Another life, especially a young one, wouldn’t fit into the life pattern she had created. While she enjoyed playing with my two sons when they were young, she didn’t want high chairs and pediatricians and diapers and plush toys. It’s been almost two decades since then, and she hasn’t regretted her decision.

If I hadn’t had children, would I regret it? I don’t know. I’ve always thought of children as bringing something into life, not taking something away. I changed my life pattern when they arrived, but I didn’t lose it – I just added more people.

I don’t think any of us were put on this earth for the sole purpose of having children. Life is too big for such a limited view. Mostly, I think we are here to be a delight to God and others, whatever that involves. Children or no children, that’s a truth I’m not willing to give up.

Photo on 11-6-15 at 11.09 AM

A New Mother’s Day

For the first Mother’s Day in fifty-five years, my mother won’t get a card or flowers from my father. She won’t join him at the kitchen table for an early morning coffee, and they won’t watch birds and squirrels run around the yard from the back porch. For the first time, my mother is a widowed mother of four instead of a married mother of four. The story of her life has a loss that wasn’t there last year.

I will do the usual Mother’s Day things this Sunday: send my mother something, call her and my sister to wish them a wonderful day, and spend time with my two sons and husband, Dave. As is our tradition, I will pick dinner and dessert. I will relax while my sons set the table and Dave makes the meal. We will enjoy an hour over good food, and I will open cards and presents. As always, I will be surprised and touched by what each of my sons and my husband chose for me. Later, I’ll say a prayer of thanks for the family I was born into and the one that grew out of my marriage.

Next year, my older son won’t be home from college in time for Mother’s Day. In five years, my younger son may be living too far away to come home for a weekend in May. It will be a new chapter in my life story – something my husband, sons, and I will live into as we turn the page of our current one.

Who knows when, I’ll wake up on Mother’s Day without my husband, or he’ll wake up without me – a first after years of marriage. One of us will grieve and remember the past; the other will already be in the unknown adventure beyond this blessed life.

Love brings joy and it brings grief. New life enters families and so does death. But this I know for certain: there hasn’t been a single day in my mother’s life that she hasn’t been loved. I’ve been loved in every hour of my life. There hasn’t been a single moment in my children’s lives that they weren’t loved. With all the love surrounding each one of us, surely what comes as we journey through death into the cosmic book of life will be blessed beyond understanding.

Blessings for all mothers, blessings for all daughters and sons. Amen.

Stories in a Larger Narrative

At town meeting the other day, one of the town leaders bragged about how the town’s stabilization fund was growing even faster than expected – a rousing success for everyone. What she didn’t say was that the fund was growing faster because money had been taken from an already underfunded school system and public library, among other things. The town budget looked better, but the quality of education and access to necessary resources through the library were both severely restricted. The larger story beyond the municipal spreadsheet had a different tale to tell about what was good and necessary. What gains a family if its savings account is growing but everyone is hungry?

Narratives within narratives, stories within larger stories. My life’s story is part of the many narratives of my family, my town, my place in history, and my planet. I am not the author, I am not the sole focus of this story that is creation, and I’m incapable of jumping out of my story and seeing the whole book of life. There is more beyond what I see and what I understand, and forgetting or ignoring the bigger story may very well harm others.

May God grant me wisdom to do no harm, strength to repair the hurts I cause, and forgiveness for the harm my limitations bring.

Changing the Narrative

A few years back, dear friends moved hundreds of miles north. Their son was running with a rowdy crowd, heading into trouble. They traded in the seacoast and quick access to Boston for pine trees and ski trails, a large school for a small one. Changing addresses changed their lives, reshaping their family story and their son’s individual narrative. What was a leap of faith years ago is now a wise decision seen in hindsight.

Lead us not into temptation, we pray. Save us from the time of trial, we pray. In changing their narrative, I think God did.

But there are also many other things that Jesus did; if every one of them were written down, I suppose that the world itself could not contain the books that would be written. John 21:24

Chapters in Another Book

This weekend, I went to see where my older son will live come Fall semester. It’s a beautiful campus in Pennsylvania, and a place where he’ll have many adventures that I’ll never know about. A good friend of mine lives a few miles away from campus, and we stayed with her and her family Sunday night. Life obligations and hundreds of miles kept our visits rare, and most of what I know of her family comes from Christmas letters and occasional emails.

The last time I saw her children in person was a dozen years ago, her husband even longer ago than that. From toddlers to teens, career changes and new houses, there’s very little in our lives that is the same as when we lived closer together. It’s been even longer since she and I lived on the same dorm floor in seminary. Yet, she is still a dear friend and her life means so much to me. I am grateful to be a recurring character in her life adventure, and honored that she is an important one in mine.

I can’t say exactly why a particular person becomes a friend for life. It’s a grace to love and be loved, and a mystery. But I know why Diane is a friend: in her life story, I can read the love of God.

 

Crossing Paths, Chance Encounters

New Year’s Eve, 1989, I went out with good friends. We were on different paths, but so glad those paths had crossed. We decided to meet in Portsmouth for a glass of champagne every year, as many of us that could.

A few weeks later, Deb began training as a physical therapist; Bonnie continued to build her portfolio for graphic design; Jen moved to Boston and an interior design program; Lauren and I both went out of state – for her a corporate position in North Carolina, for me a seminary program in New Jersey. While each of us kept up with our friends who stayed local when we returned home, distance, schedules, and finances didn’t allow us time together.

In New Jersey, I worked at a Mexican restaurant a short walk from my dorm. Late Friday night before Christmas, Lauren walked in. She was driving back to North Carolina, her brother happened to catch a basketball game in town, and they dropped in for dinner on a whim. We got our holiday toast and a happy reunion – my first and best Christmas present that year. An hour later, we were in our cars heading in opposite directions.

Two days later, Lauren’s mother called me. Would I be interested in working as a counselor for teens in a residence program for a semester? She wanted to fill that position before she left hers as the program’s director at the end of the week. Lauren had told her about our chance encounter. We met the next day, I took the position; she left at the end of that week before I began.

I told this story to my friends over a new year’s brunch. All of us agreed that Jung was right: synchronicity is real. But I think it’s more than just expected and important encounters. Sometimes, crossing paths changes the whole journey. A decision to keep in touch, an unplanned late night encounter, a job leaving and a position filled: my life story would be very different without those crossing paths and chance encounters. Change the story, change the blessing. I’m grateful beyond words for the story I’ve lived – and for the crossed paths that brought blessing into its chapters.

The Wanderer

(An adventure in faith by Bryan Fredrickson)

Francis sat on the roughly hewn wooden bench with his back against the cabin facing the sun that chased away the night’s chill. The cabin was a simple and peaceful place. It was a place where he came for solace. He called it his hermitage in the woods. He had everything he needed to be comfortable, but not so much as to detract from its rustic simplicity.

His breakfast consisted of a plate of hot biscuits which he had just removed from the oven and placed in front of him. Next to the biscuits were a pot of hot coffee and a plate of butter. Pine scent and birdsong suffused the air, wafting his prayers of thanksgiving toward the heavens.
His gaze fell lazily on the horizon as the biscuits melted in his mouth. Suddenly there appeared the figure of a man emerging from the forest. As he came over the hill, Francis inspected him closely. He looked to be a man of about Francis’ age and build, but he moved with a limp as if one leg was shorter than the other. He was hunched from shouldering a large pack. Francis thought there was something about the man that he recognized but he could not put his finger on it.

When the man came within ear shot, Francis beckoned him to sit and rest on the bench. The man sat down heavily, unloading his pack from his shoulder. It hit the ground stirring the dust. The man sighed and stared up at the deep blue sky as if uttering a silent prayer. His hair and beard were unkempt and his layered clothes were tattered. He smelled of earth and sweat. The sun exposed heavy wrinkles around his eyes and face. Again, Francis thought he recognized something about this man. Perhaps it was the man’s eyes, their hue or shape? He wasn’t sure. The man was silent but trained his eyes longingly on the plate of biscuits.

“Of course,” said Francis. “You must be terribly hungry.”

The man stretched out his hands to accept the buttered biscuit from Francis. They were calloused with dirt imbedded in their creases and fixed under his nails. Francis thought their shape and size bore a strong resemblance to his own. Francis fetched another mug from the house and poured the man some hot coffee.

It was evident to Francis that the man did not want to talk. So they ate in silence, communing like two old cats in the sun that had sized each other up and decided neither was a threat to the other. Time passed as the moments seemed to fold in on themselves and melt away. Finally, the man heaved himself off the bench to stand, pulling his pack over his shoulder.

“Thank you,” he uttered, breaking the silence in a voice strangely familiar to Francis.

“May I ask your name?” Francis queried.

“I am called the Wanderer,” he answered. “I look for people who need a doctor.”

With that he slowly limped away over the hill. Francis’ eyes followed him until he disappeared into the woods.

All day long Francis pondered what the man had said. Why had he come to him? Was he sick somehow, he wondered. It seemed to him that it was the man, rather than he, who was in need of succor. He remained perplexed as he crawled under his warm comforter to go to sleep. That night the Wanderer visited Francis in a dream. Looking deeply into Francis’ eyes he said, “Lo, I am with you always even to the end of the Age!”

Francis bolted upright in bed, peering into the darkness suddenly illumined by epiphany. Now he understood who the Wanderer was. He was every man, woman and child who is a victim of ill circumstance: the tired, the oppressed, the poor, the sick, the bereft, the lost, the disadvantaged, the unemployed, the orphan, the homeless, the friendless, the lonely, the judged, those who can’t catch a break in life and those whose addictions destroy the chances they are given. Francis knew what he recognized about the man. He had seen himself but without the trappings of comfort and ease. He had been given a chance to see himself born into the dark, cold lonely edges of society. The Wanderer was indeed a physician, opening the eyes of those who are blind to the suffering all around.

Francis recalled the first words the man had spoken to him. “Thank you,” he had said. It is a prayer offered when outstretched hands of one in need are met by the hands of one who gives what one is able. It is a prayer that reverberates across temporal time and place, even to the little town of Bethlehem where once the cry of a poor, cold child lying in a feeding trough echoed through the ages.

“I was blind,” Francis whispered to himself in the darkness. “But now I see!”

Its Own Reward

I summon today,

All these powers between me and those evils,

 Against every cruel and merciless power that may oppose my body and soul,                

Against incantations of false prophets,

Against black laws of pagandom,

Against false laws of heretics,

Against craft of idolatry,

Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,

Against every knowledge that corrupts man’s body and soul;

Christ to shield me today

Against poison, against burning,

Against drowning, against wounding,

So that there may come to me an abundance of reward.

Saint Patrick’s Breastplate, part 6 (For full poem, click Lent 2016: St. Patrick’s Breastplate above)

I don’t summon armies or guns. I don’t ask for a tank or razor wire. I summon heaven, sun, moon, sea, and rock. I summon the love of the cherubim and the prayers of the patriarchs. I bind unto myself God’s wisdom, eye, ear, word, and hand. These I place between me and all the evils I can imagine – all the things I fear.

Even if they can protect my body momentarily, weapons cannot protect me from what I fear. What damages or takes life, what brings fear into the lives of other living creatures, none of it can save me from fear. Only things that give life and love do that, and it is these that stand between me and the evils of this world – the evils others imagine and create, and the evils I imagine and create.

Through the eyes of fear I see only threat and danger under the stars. I cannot see the beauty of this world or the grace of living in it. I am afraid of the neighbors beyond my locked door because they might mean me harm. I see nothing else.

There is evil in the world. There is evil in me. Fear fosters it in both places. So I place the goodness of creation and the God who created it between me and those evils. I ask Christ to shield me, to give me the strength to see the world through the eyes of love. To see through the eyes of God. They are the same.

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. We love because he first loved us. Those who say, “I love God,” and hate their brothers or sisters, are liars; for those who do not love a brother or a sister whom they have seen, cannot love God who they have not seen. The commandment we have from him is this: those who love God must love their brothers and sisters also. I John 4: 18-21, NRSV

Photo on 2015-02-28 at 09.24

Lent, week 6: Saint Patrick’s Breastplate

I summon today


All these powers between me and those evils,


Against every cruel and merciless power 
that may oppose my body and soul

,
Against incantations of false prophets,


Against black laws of pagandom,


Against false laws of heretics,


Against craft of idolatry,


Against spells of witches and smiths and wizards,


Against every knowledge that corrupts man’s body and soul;


Christ to shield me today


Against poison, against burning,


Against drowning, against wounding,


So that there may come to me an abundance of reward.

As a young reader I loved fantasy books. The epic tales featured noble and brave young people who were enmeshed in the battle between Good and Evil: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, The Lord of the Rings, and Star Wars. Though the battles were difficult, they were always so clear which side was right and which was wrong. And God, the Force, the Truth, was always with the hero.

As an adult I gradually learned that things weren’t so clear and that evil often arises out of good intentions or understandable fears and sometimes from the history and present of our beloved Christian church.

To summon protection from evil as we pray this section of the St. Patrick’s prayer seems to be a much more difficult task. I look at the war in Syria that drags on and on and on. I see evil in the indiscriminate bombing of civilians and leaving people to starve in villages laid seige. But is evil also in the people traffickers who lead refugees to die in rickety boats and washed up on Greek beaches? Is evil to be found in countries refusing to take in refugees or those who refuse to help fund the cost for their care? How do I pray for protection from this?

If I choose to live in the world, to really listen and learn and live an examined life, I open myself up to truly seeing evil that may oppose my body and soul. And equally, to understand the evil I may unwittingly or reluctantly participate in as part of a larger society, nation, or my particular gender or race that opposes or oppresses others.

The political primary process that daily comes to us in the form of 30 second bursts seems very much to be about the challenge of evil. Is evil “out there” such that we can wall it off or regulate it away? Or is evil within our nation in entrenched income equality and institutional racism? Politicians rise up as prophets speaking incantations that promise change and protection in exchange for our vote.

But I believe to be protected against evil requires more from us than that. Lent is an opportunity to decide to be clear-eyed and fearlessly seek the truth. Praying for protection from idolatry necessitates understanding that what we hold so dear blinds us to others – whether money, power, security, nostalgia… As we learn about the world and about ourselves, we will be challenged to change. Change is undeniably hard. But with our sights set on God and Jesus’ commandment to love neighbor as self, it is harder to choose the path of evil or not stand up against the inertia of evil.

I hope the abundance of reward we pray for is more peace in our times, and more peace in our minds. And the blessings that come with seeking those difficult and uncomfortable truths and seeing them through to the place of justice and grace.

Offered by Karen Gale, farmer, mother, seeker of God.

Ill Wishes

I arise today, through

God’s strength to pilot me,

God’s might to uphold me, God’s wisdom to guide me,

God’s eye to look before me,

God’s ear to hear me,

God’s word to speak for me,

God’s hand to guard me,

God’s shield to protect me,

God’s host to save me

       From snares of devils,

      From temptation of vices,

      From everyone who shall wish me ill, afar and anear.

Saint Patrick’s Breastplate, part 5 (click Lent 2016: Saint Patrick’s Breastplate for the whole prayer)

Clenched fists, tight shoulders, narrowed eyes, pursed lips, angry tone and words – not a child having a tantrum, but a woman in her seventies I barely knew. She wanted to make money where she served as a trustee, ethically questionable as well as against trustee policy. As a fellow trustee, I objected. That was seven years ago. I’ve rarely seen her since, and barely given her a thought until the last few words of this poem brought her to mind.

I have no idea if she’s wishing me ill afar as she did once anear. I haven’t wished her ill, afar or anear, now or then. I opposed her. Did I stop her from doing something wrong and potentially harmful? Yes. Did I do something wrong and cause her harm? I’m sure she thinks so.

Lack of ill wishes isn’t much of an accomplishment on my part. Perhaps that’s the best I can do on my own. Beyond that, it takes an act of God in and through me. Perhaps my prayers should be two-fold:

God save me from those who wish me ill. God save others from my indifference.