Category Archives: life basics

death, life basics, Meditation, philosophy, Prayer

Can I Get A Witness…

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When new life comes into the world and when life leaves the world at whatever age, there are witnesses. People gather to welcome the newly born or the newly met into their families and their hearts; people gather to say God-be-with-you and release friends and relatives from this life, handing them back to God. We all come into life as individuals, and we leave it in much the same way – but others bear witness to our initial coming and our final leaving. Life and death may be solo activities, but they are not unseen.

What does it mean to bear witness to the life of another, the death of another? It’s with this question that I leave my ponderings on life and death over the last few weeks. For me, bearing witness is a joyful and sometimes terrible blessing. Life in any form is precious, if I have eyes to see it clearly. Being given life is a holy and finite gift, one given back in the return to the one who bestowed it in the first place.

For the life I have been given, I am grateful beyond words. For the death I will receive some time in the future, I pray for the wisdom to be equally as grateful. The same holds for the lives and the deaths I have born witness to.

life basics, Meditation

Vows

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At three this afternoon, family will gather in a church in Los Angeles to bear witness to wedding vows exchanged – vows spoken by my son and his beloved. Most of us know the vows and at least some of the prayers and music. Some of us have said them ourselves. There’s nothing particularly unique in any of it. And yet.

Each time two people vow to grow together, to face life as a couple rather than as individuals, to honor the spirit of the other through all the predictable and surprising changes life brings – each time, the world is made new. Life will never be the same because two people stood in front of friends and family (or just a couple of witnesses) and made promises.

There’s no guarantee that those promises can be kept, or that the couple will grow together rather than apart – life brings unforeseen challenges. But life is altered by the exchange of vows and rings, whether they are together until death separates them or until life does.

May God bless the vows said today, and bless the life that comes from them. May they find the strength to choose each other every day – even when that choice is a hard one. May they share their joy and their sadness with others, and be true companions on the journey of a lifetime.

Colin and Adilene, blessings and peace. I am so glad you found each other, and so happy to have you both in my family and life.

life basics, Meditation

End of an Era

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Twenty-five years ago today, at Hamilton Hospital in New Jersey, Jared came into the world. Today, he has been on this earth for a quarter century. From first breath to walking to reading to driving to graduation and work in his chosen field, these twenty five years have been a changing adventure, inner and outer life-altering. We will mark this birthday with a cross country flight and dinner at the In-N-Out Burger just off the LAX runways because his older brother is getting married. The typical cake and dinner celebration will happen when everyone returns home.

I have loved every single stage of Jared’s life. I wouldn’t turn back the clock to live them over again, and I certainly wouldn’t wish to remain in any particular stage. There’s something wonderful in the miracle of maturation. And there’s something holy in being a part of it.

Jared, you’ve been a delight from the moment you came into the world. Happy 25th Birthday.

death, life basics, Meditation

Time to Go

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How do we know when it’s time to leave the work that has been such a meaningful part of our adult lives? How do we help others make that move?

One of the graces of my meaningful work has been the opportunity to foster the gifts of coworkers – and to seek out and encourage those who will continue whatever work I held dear. When I leave, I hope people are glad that I was there; if I’ve done my work well, they will continue on without missing a beat (as an individual I’m as irreplaceable as anyone, but many others can take my work to new and wonderful places). But leaving has always been a choice, never because I was asked to go or because I could no longer do my work.

Now I’m in my early 60’s. The next leaving may well be because staying would burden rather than bless my coworkers. Over the past few years, I’ve seen people who’ve made the transition well, leaving behind a legacy of care and a firm foundation for the next generation of workers who will build on it in their own unique ways. More often, I’ve seen people refuse to give an inch of their territory or power; instead of fostering the next generation, they create obstacles. I’ve seen people forced into the next stage, often in humiliating ways and without compassion. And I’ve seen resentment, in the person refusing to leave and in those whose own work is made more difficult because of that refusal.

It’s a difficult task, letting the work of decades die a good death; it can be hard seeing and embracing the life beyond it. It’s equally challenging to support others who need to let go of theirs.

The truth that gives me hope: every time I’ve let go of a life stage, there’s been another waiting for me, full of new gifts and challenges. I need to trust in the holiness of the whole of life – the first parts through the last. I need to trust that leaving when it’s time to go, or helping another to do so, isn’t something done alone. God’s loving presence will remain and sustain when it’s time to go.

life basics, observation

Moving Home

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In the past twenty-two months, I’ve called four houses home: the place my husband and I raised our two sons in Massachusetts, a rectory built for the previous priest, a rental with a view and good neighbors, and the newly renovated original rectory. I still have boxes to unpack in this new space, and there is a list of things left undone that need attention. I’m still figuring out what life here will look like – and how these changes in location and configuration have reconfigured both my inner and outer lives…

If you’ve the inclination, feel free to unpack a few boxes with me – and a few of your own as well…

Philadelphia Row Houses by Colin Fredrickson

life basics, Meditation, observation

Putting Away the Holiday

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I turned sixty yesterday, and today I took down the Christmas decorations and tree. It’s a yearly task, getting back to the usual decor by removing the Advent and Christmas extras. It’s also a task that I put off until after my birthday – it’s a wonderful thing to have twinkling lights and birthday candles as I begin my new natal year.

Going through the ornaments as I put them in boxes and bins is a walk into the past; baby’s first Christmas ornaments for both of my sons, the sparkly drummer boy on a crescent moon that my parents bought in the late 1970’s, the star tree topper that my older son chose, and the angel my mother-in-law gave me after my engagement that my younger son prefers. They are markers of the people I love and the time I spent with them as much as they are decorations.

I’m not one of those who wants to keep Christmas decorations up for more than three or four weeks. They are meaningful because they aren’t permanent parts of my living space. And it helps me to separate the cultural holiday that I enjoy – presents, Christmas music, decorations – from the miracle that is God-With-Us.

Putting away the decorations while doing my best to live in the grace of the incarnation through the year is a visual reminder that Jesus/God With Us is not an object in my world, no matter how wonderful and holy: I am a beloved child in God’s world.

Magi by Thom Nordquist
life basics, Meditation, observation

Getting the Groceries

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It’s not just the shopping, it’s everything that goes into it before I ever get to the store – checking the ongoing list of things that need to be replaced, planning meals, looking in the cupboards for recipe ingredients, checking the calendar to count the number of meals that need to be made, seeing what’s on sale where, and remembering to bring the canvas bags.

Then there’s what happens after the trip to the grocery store – putting things in cupboards, figuring out what needs to go in the freezer, and starting the new list for the next round of grocery shopping. Keeping the cupboards adequately stocked and trying not to waste any of the food purchased takes time and effort. But I think that’s true of anything that sustains life. After all, getting the groceries is an answer to prayer:

Give us this day our daily bread.

life basics, Meditation, observation, Uncategorized

Tasks and Chores

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It’s the stuff we have to do that doesn’t seem to get us anywhere: laundry, floors, bathrooms, groceries, paying bills – the list goes on. The work is noticed and appreciated only when it doesn’t get done because it’s only in its absence that we see its true value.

2024 begins in a little less than fourteen hours. I think it’s a good time to take a look at all the tasks and chores that life requires to see what blessings they might contain. Want to lend a hand?

life basics, Meditation, observation, philosophy, Theology

Learning For A Reason

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The Daily Stoic; Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman; New York: Penguin, 2016, p. 204

The difference between learning in a way that leads to a fruitful life for self and the world and learning that doesn’t go that way is the difference between wisdom and knowledge. A genius may use her or his knowledge and skills for irrelevant or harmful ends; a wise man or woman uses his or her skills in a way that deepens the spirit and gladdens the world.

There are evil geniuses, but no evil wise ones. Something to think about…

life basics, Meditation, observation

Personal Appearances

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Personal items are boxed or tucked into drawers. The shades are pulled to the same length, toiletries and Kleenex boxes are next to the razors and toothbrushes in the bathroom closet. Cat bowls and scratching posts are in the basement next to the boot tray, and the cats are off site. Rooms are clean and tidy. Other than the books on the shelves and food in the cupboards, there are few traces of the people who live here. We have done our best to create a space where potential buyers can imagine themselves living because this house is for sale.

I am keenly aware of the particularity of the places I’ve called home, and how traces of my family are evident in almost every corner of every room – things we’ve chosen to put on the walls and tables because one or more of us find them beautiful or useful, things that say something about who we are and what we hold dear. Our personalities appear in them, making our home as unique to us as our neighbors’ homes are unique to them. And that is as it should be.

Clearing all the living spaces so that new people can imagine calling this house home is a lot of work, but I’m happy to do it. It’s time for other people to hang their own pictures on these walls and set their chairs on the back porch. Removing things that get in the way of their coming is, in its own way, is the best welcome I can offer.

[Photo by David Fredrickson]