Category Archives: observation

Not Interested

Indolence: the state of showing no real interest or effort. (Cambridge English Dictionary)

It’s more than mere laziness, it’s inattention and inaction due to lack of interest. It’s having zero motivation to do anything new because nothing seems worth the effort. Why expend any energy if I don’t give a damn about what I see around me?

How can anyone get to the point where nothing is worth the effort, when nothing sparks even the tiniest bit of interest? Once at that point, how can anyone find a way out of such a dreary, soul deadening place?

I see one way out every Tuesday morning: Story Time. Babies, toddlers, and their adults gather to sing a few songs and enjoy a couple of short stories. Simple words, simple tunes, and a place to enjoy them. Eyes light up, smiles and laughter dance among the gathered; the tots play and explore, but it’s their adults whose spirits are renewed.

Make no mistake: indolence crushes the soul. It’s a disease of the spirit that sucks the joy out of life and turns the world gray. Fortunately, all it takes is the eyes of a child to cure it.

…and a little child will lead them (Isaiah 11:6b)

Enlighten the eyes of our understanding, and raise up our minds from the heavy sleep of indolence. St. Basil’s Prayer [click St. Basil’s Prayer: Lent 2024 for full prayer]

Light To See By

Enlighten the eyes of our understanding and raise our minds from the heavy sleep of indolence. 

Barnumville Road at twilight

Walking home at twilight, I could see someone in the distance. She or he wore a dark colored winter jacket with the hood pulled up, hands in mittens. In the failing light, I couldn’t tell whether the person was a man or woman, or whether s/he was coming toward me or walking away. I could see just enough to make out the moving figure, but my eyes couldn’t discern much beyond that. 

I’m convinced that how I see this creation and all the life it holds is often much like how I see a distant figure at twilight: good enough to make out a figure, but not good enough to know much beyond that for sure. The eyes of my understanding see what is before me imperfectly. I cannot see people for the delightful children of God that they are without a longer look and a loving heart. I do not recognize or understand the preciousness and holiness of all that surrounds me. 

I need more light, enlightenment. 

Lord, enlighten my eyes that I may understand and love what is before me and around me – the life you created.

Twilight on the road

Incomparable Goodness

The Prayer of Saint Basil

We bless you, O God, most high and Lord of mercy. You are always doing great and inscrutable things with us, glorious and wonderful, and without number. You grant us sleep for rest from our infirmities, and repose from the burdens of our much toiling flesh. We thank you, for you have not destroyed us with our sins, but have continued to love us; and though we were sunk in despair, you have raised us up to glorify your power. Therefore, we implore your incomparable goodness. Enlighten the eyes of our understanding and raise up our minds from the heavy sleep of indolence. Open our mouth and fill it with your praise, that we may be able without distraction to sing and confess that you are God, glorified in all and by all, the eternal Father, with your only begotten Son, and your all holy, good, and life giving Spirit, now and forever, and to the ages of ages. Amen.

[Found in Daily Prayers for Orthodox Christians(the Synekdemos); Brookline, MA: Holy Cross Orthodox Press, 2010 reprint, pp.9-10.]

Goodness and Greatness are not the same things. God’s incomparable greatness isn’t usually questioned, but I’m not sure the same can be said of God’s goodness.

The older I get, the more I believe they should not be separated. The incomparable greatness of God without goodness would be terrifying, leaving me to cower in the deadly deep shadow of fear. I implore the incomparable goodness of God because it seems almost too good to be true. Almost.

Why is such a life-giving truth so hard to accept?

Sunk

We thank you, for you have not destroyed us with our sins, but have continued to love us; and though we were sunk in despair, you have raised us up to glorify your power. Saint Basil’s Prayer

[For the full prayer, click St. Basil’s Prayer: Lent 2024 above.]

Perhaps only those who have come close to drowning in the muck of despair and hopelessness, those who have been lifted out of it when its weight was so heavy that they could not get up on their own two feet, know the power required to pull them up and out. Perhaps they are the only ones who truly see the glory of God in that saving act of restoration.

The rest of us would be wise to remember that compassion in action is a superpower, not a fault or waste of time and energy that could be directed elsewhere.

Choosing the Stick

We thank you, for you have not destroyed us with our sins, but have continued to love us; and though we were sunk in despair, you have raised us up to glorify your power. St. Basil’s Prayer

That’s enough! Go pick a stick!

When I was a kid, two of my playmates were Linda and Brenda McDonald; they lived in the house across the street from me, and they both had a great sense of adventure that got them into trouble. I could always tell when it was their father who caught them in one of their misadventures because of the punishment they received. He sent them out into the back yard to pick the stick he would use for their spanking. Linda always picked the thinnest, greenest one she could find; Brenda always chose a fat, rotted one that was falling apart. Sticks chosen, they would sit on the back stairs to think about what they had done and wait for their father.

It only took a few times for Linda and Brenda to realize that the outcome was always the same: their father would come outside, sit down with his daughters, then declare that he just didn’t have it in him to spank them. He’d give them a hug, ask them not to repeat whatever had gotten them into trouble in the first place, and tell them to go play.

Perhaps our own misdeeds end in similar circumstances, with us thinking we need to choose the stick we’ll be beaten with. Perhaps the point isn’t choosing a stick; it’s taking the time to think about our actions, fess up to them, and remember that we are loved even when we have made mistakes. And be grateful our sins haven’t destroyed us.

For the full prayer, click St. Basil’s Prayer: Lent 2024 above…

Grant Us Sleep

You grant us sleep for rest from our infirmities, and repose from the burdens of our much toiling flesh. Saint Basil’s Prayer

[For the full prayer, click St. Basil’s Prayer: Lent 2024 above.]

Sleep is one of those graces that I only notice in its absence. It is how the body and mind repair themselves, and the place of dreams. A good night’s sleep can restore our good humor and our perspective as well as refresh our bodies. It is a nightly blessing, and its absence can feel like a curse.

Why am I so willing to give up this blessing to worry or overwork?

Not A Numbers Game

We bless you, O God, most high and Lord of mercy. You are always doing great and inscrutable things with us, glorious and wonderful, and without number. St. Basil’s Prayer

[For full prayer, click St. Basil’s Prayer:Lent 2024 above.]

When my sons were born, they were measured and weighed almost immediately. While these numbers were an important part of assessing their health, they had nothing to do with the immeasurable joy and love each brought into the world. I suspect counting and measuring the things God does with us is much the same.

Inscrutable Things With Us

You are always doing great and inscrutable things with us, glorious and wonderful, and without number.

[For the full prayer, click St. Basil’s Prayer: Lent 2024 above.]

Inscrutable – impossible to understand or interpret; impenetrable; incapable of being analyzed or investigated.

I don’t think this means that God is doing things in a devious way, or with the intention of keeping us ignorant of divine actions. I think it’s more a matter of scale and depth. I can no more comprehend the great things that God is doing with us than I can view the entire state of Vermont from my living room window. I can only see a part of it because my life is held in its geographical embrace. What I see is real and true, but the view is limited and my understanding equally limited. I’m in no position and in no shape to claim anything I experience as universal or all-encompassing.

I hope I remember this when I am tempted to discount the ideas and vantage points of others.

I hope I remember this when I am tempted to limit God’s great doings with us to God’s great doings with me.

My Vermont View

Tending the Plant

The Jasmine was a housewarming gift that arrived last January, already budding. The instructions attached were quite specific: 1) place in a cool room that is bright with indirect sunlight; 2) make sure the room has no artificial light coming in at night; and 3) in addition to watering, keep a tray of water under the plant to keep it hydrated. Within days, it was covering in small, white, fragrant flowers – offering just enough fragrance to notice and appreciate.

With a move to another house a few months back, I wasn’t sure the Jasmine would bloom this winter, but buds appeared in mid-January. In spite of many being eaten by my son’s cat (they are non-toxic), the first few have opened up – a flash of white on green and a hint of fragrance in the air.

Sometimes, I think that chores in general are much like tending a plant: the means for a flash of beauty to grow in our lives. The effort it takes to do this daily work is what gives us the eyes to see the beauty and the heart to love both the process and the result. Without doing the chores, perhaps no beauty would bloom in our lives; without doing the chores, we might not notice it even if it did.

Cleaning the Bathroom

From start to finish, it takes about half an hour. Once it’s done, it looks great until the first handwashing. Then there are water spots on the mirror and a little dribble of soap down the newly wiped dispenser. The hand towel is wrinkled and no longer hanging straight.

When anyone in the house is sick, there’s extra disinfecting and cleaning. The toothbrushes have to be sterilized in the dish washer, and the towels changed out frequently. Maintaining a clean bathroom is a thankless and necessary job offering little satisfaction when it’s done. I slog my way through it with little joy or gratitude. When the job is done, the best I can say is that no one will catch a dread disease by using it – and the towels on the bars are all clean and ready for use.

Perhaps there will be a day when I appreciate cleaning the bathroom. That day was not yesterday, when I cleaned it, nor will it be when I clean it next. The best I can say now is that I enjoy it in a secondary sense: it’s wonderful to sink into a clean tub full of hot water after a cold January day. Enlightenment in all tasks and thoughts eludes me still. Maybe some day…