Daily Readings: Psalm 146:5-10; Ruth 4:13-17; 2 Peter 3:11-18

In 2 Peter 3:11-18, Peter is tasking Jesus’ followers with a few points to remain faithful.  He first describes the condition of the world and the coming destruction.  In verse 14 he says while you are waiting for these things to happen, make every effort to be found living peaceful lives that are pure and blameless in his sight.  And remember, our Lord’s patience gives people time to be saved.  Concluding with verse 18, rather you must grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  All glory to him, both now and forever!  Amen.
This verse reminds me of the words at the beginning of the gospels (also describing the last days before Jesus comes) “Sin will be rampant everywhere, and the love of many will grow cold.  But the one who endures to the end will be saved.” Matthew 24:12-13   

There may be something we are supposed to be striving for these days, but it sure doesn’t look like it should be power, money, or status. It looks like patience and endurance smothered in love.   And to me it doesn’t mean stockpiling enough rice and beans to get through it.  If this is part of enduring for you, hopefully you’ll share a dish later on when I need it.  

I am among the generation of baby boomers. God has given me the task of caring for my ailing husband.  He is almost 80, and has a list of disabilities and illnesses a mile long related to Vietnam and his as-long-as-possible adult life of extreme motocross racing. But we endeavor to persevere together, and some days are better than others.

Recently we were in a doctor’s waiting room full of women who were caregivers for their husbands. I noticed two of them. One man in a wheelchair, head in hands and looking tired and depressed was being hovered over by his wife as she tried to comfort him and meet his needs.  His response was rude remarks of impatience and despair.   Her face was strained and sad. The other wife came and sat beside me, making the statement “I am sick of this. I am out of here. I am not wasting the rest of my life taking care of him.  I’ve got a life to live.”  I didn’t say much back to her, I wasn’t sure how to respond. But I understood. I felt great empathy for these ladies.

I had been considering starting a caregiver support group for wives in my small town. It became plain to me this group would be needed and helpful. So, I was off and running. I contacted several women, all of whom I barely knew but had witnessed their daily lives from afar.  I organized our first meeting and gave them all kinds of data and statistics to them about why the support group could be helpful. Every woman jumped at the chance to be a member.

The husbands of the wives in our group have varied conditions: Parkinson’s with hallucinations, extreme heart failure or heart conditions, dementia and memory issues, and failing mobility.   As wives, we are all dealing with fear and anxiety.  Each wife has different challenges to navigate, but we all are trying to “do it right” and we all are facing the impending departure of our husbands. 

We laugh about the funny things when we can. One husband listens to full volume television programs that are only spoken in Chinese.  Does he speak Chinese? No. One wife came home to find all of the doors to her kitchen cupboards removed.  Another’s husband accuses her of cheating and having affairs with other men when she has to leave him for a bit.   We answer the same questions repeatedly. We experience the men’s frustration with their own declining abilities, depression and their need to remain in control. We have taken on tasks and responsibilities that were once handled by the husbands. In every case the wives pretty much now shoulder all of the responsibilities. Yes, there are assisted living opportunities, but none of our group has the means to make that choice.   And most of us do not have family near to help.

We wonder – where am I in all of this? We feel like we are losing and ignoring ourselves and our needs. And we all have our own physical limitations, health issues and emotional stress to manage. Of course, we all are enduring to the end. And while we are waiting, we are making every effort to live peaceful lives. 

And that ain’t easy.  We are in a constant whirlwind of appointments, medication schedules, bathing fights, dressing and feeding them, finding things to keep them motivated and content, financial, home and vehicle maintenance. All as we listen to repetitive stories and questions all day long. In between tasks, we are seeking to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Savior. We know love is the only thing that can endure.  Love never fails, never grows tired of doing good. But the ability and desire to endure in love only comes through the tender support Jesus offers us. He has promised to be with us until the end.  Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you.  I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.  Isaiah 46:4 NLT

However, Jesus could use your help.

As this year winds down with all of the celebrations and family encounters, you might take special notice of a caregiver. Until you’ve done it, you don’t understand. But you might offer some kind of acknowledgement. If you have experienced this loving task, share tips and resources, or just sit quietly with a caregiver over a cup of tea and listen. Better yet, think of what you needed at that time. Stock their pantries with rice and beans, and maybe their table with a big bouquet of flowers.

It could mean the world to a caregiver to be acknowledged and genuinely heard. Help them accept that being a caregiver for someone is an act of courage and strength, not a burden of obligation. Maybe let Jesus use your arms to wrap them in a hug.      

Offered by Linda Benningfield-Hashman, in whom God delights.