Category Archives: Prayer

Injury/Pardon

Lord,

Make me an instrument of Thy Peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

This prayer is attributed to Saint Francis. He was born in 1181 or 1182 into a wealthy family in Assisi, Umbria. He grew up in comfort, turned into a rowdy youth, and eventually looked for glory on the battlefield. His life plan altered when he encountered God. In prayer, he heard God tell him to rebuild the church. He devoted himself to a life of prayer, poverty and service. He is the founder of the Order of Friars Minor (OFM), usually called the Franciscans. He died in 1226 after a life of prayer, poverty, and service. His life, work, and words have inspired countless numbers of people.

where there is injury, pardon;

Less than an hour’s drive away, a jury is deciding between life in prison and death for a man in his early twenties. Two years back, he and his brother set bombs at the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing several people and wounding many more. For the past several weeks, his face has been a constant presence on screens as well as in print. With the pictures come comments and questions: is he remorseful? is he as human as everyone else? does he deserve to die for what he’s done?

News anchors and reporters talk about closure for the families and friends of those who lost their lives or their health at the end of the marathon. First they said that a verdict in the trial might bring closure, but now it’s linked to the life or death decision that the jury will give. When that’s over, they will move on to another phase: closure when the death sentence is carried out or when he’s confined to a small space for decades. It won’t ever be dropped, really. If another bomb goes off anywhere in the world, the questions and comments will return; whenever the marathon is run in Boston, they will come up again. There is no end to the focus, this rehashing of a tragic event.

Grave injury as been done, and nothing can change that. It shouldn’t be denied or taken lightly. Guilt and innocence, reckoning and responsibility come with such acts. But the unending focus on injury won’t change history and it won’t help anyone find peace or closure. At some point, even this injury must be allowed to recede from center stage. I think that’s what pardon is – the willingness to let someone who has done harm move past it so that all those who were harmed can do the same. Without this, aren’t we all still standing at the finish line, bombs falling endlessly?

Sowing love

where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Hatred is a harsh emotion and a destructive reality. It destroys without consideration, boundary, or restraint. It maims the hater and the hated alike; no one escapes unharmed. Anger and vengeance feed it, and it’s passed on from one generation to another, one community to another. Hatred can kill the body and cripple the soul, sending its roots into the deepest parts of life and bearing monstrous fruit.

How am I supposed to sow love where there is hatred? Sometimes it’s all I can do to practice patience and kindness where there is ignorance or disagreement; sowing love in a field of hate is beyond the skill of my hands, the wisdom of my thoughts, and the goodness of my heart. I just can’t do this.

But maybe that’s the whole point. This prayer is a boundary prayer, seeking what is far beyond me. Only God can grow love in a field of hatred. The best I can do is throw the insignificant seeds of love I have and leave the rest up to God. I know the love of God breaks into every human reality, even the reality of hate. My part is to refuse a life of hatred, sow what love is mine to give, and trust to the mystery and power of God’s love.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love. Eight simple words that can open the gates of heaven.

Lord, Make me an instrument of Thy Peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

This prayer is attributed to Saint Francis. He was born in 1181 or 1182 into a wealthy family in Assisi, Umbria. He grew up in comfort, turned into a rowdy youth, and eventually looked for glory on the battlefield. His life plan altered when he encountered God. In prayer, he heard God tell him to rebuild the church. He devoted himself to a life of prayer, poverty and service. He is the founder of the Order of Friars Minor (OFM), usually called the Franciscans. He died in 1226 after a life of prayer, poverty, and service. His life, work, and words have inspired countless numbers of people.

Practice, practice, practice

Make me an instrument of Thy peace;

I took up the violin at fourteen when a friend found a forgotten instrument and a bow in his grandmother’s attic. Twenty-five dollars for new strings and a sound post, mineral oil and some polishing got the violin in working order. I bought a beginners music book, took up the violin and bow, and began learning how to play.

Anyone who plays violin (or lives with someone learning to play) soon learns that producing a pleasant tone, even just a single note, isn’t easy and doesn’t happen quickly. Drawing the bow across the string with just the right tension requires practice and an ear to know when the note sounds right. It isn’t something that can be learned in theory: it’s a practical learning, requiring time and intentional devotion. The difference between music and noise is playing, listening, playing, listening, playing, and so on. Every day builds on the every other day. Bringing a Bach Sonata to life through the violin’s four strings takes only a few minutes, but it’s years in the making. There is no shortcut.

When I pray to be an instrument of God’s peace, I’m asking for years of devotion and work because I don’t know how. Becoming an instrument of peace requires actively playing my part, listening for God’s voice, playing my part, listening to my neighbor, playing my part. When God grants peace through who I am and what I do, it may seem like a gift from out of the blue. More likely, it was years in the making. No shortcut, but the work of a lifetime. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Prayer of Saint Francis: Lord

 

Lord,

Make me an instrument of Thy Peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy. O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love. For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

(This prayer is attributed to Saint Francis. He was born in 1181 or 1182 into a wealthy family in Assisi, Umbria. He grew up in comfort, turned into a rowdy youth, and eventually looked for glory on the battlefield. His life plan altered when he encountered God. In prayer, he heard God tell him to rebuild the church. He devoted himself to a life of prayer, poverty and service. He is the founder of the Order of Friars Minor (OFM), usually called the Franciscans. He died in 1226 after a life of prayer, poverty, and service. His life, work, and words have inspired countless numbers of people.)

 

Lord

I don’t use this term much outside of A Song of Ice and Fire and Lord of the Rings conversations. It’s an antique word that evokes images of knights, castles, queens, and serfs. Outside British royalty, real or fictional, the only Lord I’ve heard of recently is Lord Voldemort – not a great credit to the title.

The only other place I use Lord is in prayer. Lord Jesus, Gracious Lord, Lord God. When I say and pray Lord, I’m admitting and accepting that someone else is in charge. I am serving someone other than myself. I am not the ruler of the universe, just a servant in the kingdom that is this creation. Sometimes I am at peace with this, and sometimes I’m not.

Jesus says that “no one can serve two masters,” that I “cannot serve God and wealth”(Mt.6:23) The underlying assumption is that I am serving someone or something. It might be money or fame; it could be a worthy cause or a particular country. Knowingly or not, I serve something or someone. I suspect this is true. If it is, then I’d better choose my Lord carefully…

Happy Anniversary!

Prayer is always said before God and in the company of faithful seekers, and I welcome your company.

O Lord, Grant me to greet the coming day in peace. Help me in all things to rely upon thy holy will. In every hour of the day reveal thy will to me. Bless my dealings with all who surround me. Teach me to treat all that comes to me throughout the day with peace of soul, and with firm conviction that thy will governs all. In all my deeds and words guide my thoughts and feelings. In unforeseen events let me not forget that all are sent by thee. Teach me to act firmly and wisely, without embittering and embarrassing others. Give me strength to bear the fatigue of the coming day with all that it shall bring. Direct my will, teach me to pray, pray thou thyself in me. Amen. (Metropolitan Philaret of Moscow, d. 1867. From A Manual of Eastern Orthodox Prayers, Crestwood, NY: St. Vladimir’s Seminary Press, 1991, p. 20)

It’s been a year and more words than I can count since this opening post. I still pray this prayer, and I still believe that prayer is always said before God and in the company of others.  Thank you for being my companions in prayer and partners in seeking God’s presence.

This blog is meant to begin conversation – between you and me as well as between you and others. As I begin year two, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Blessings and Peace, Johnna

Stormy

Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,

for in you my soul takes refuge;

in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,

until the destroying storms pass by.

Psalm 57:1, NRSV

The sky is cloudy this morning, and snow is coming. High winds, almost hurricane strength, are on their way. Towns on the seacoast are preparing for storm surge. A blizzard is a fierce storm, and sometimes a destroying one. The last time this happened, the power was out for two days.

Storms are giant reminders that I cannot control the world I live in. I can and do prepare – pulling in trash cans and other things that might blow away, filling the bird feeders, having food and candles and batteries at hand – but I cannot control or avoid the storms that visit my home. Unless I leave.

For most storms, I’ll stay home; losing power and mobility for a day or two is just an inconvenience. But for those storms that threaten to destroy my home, ones that threaten my life and the lives of those I love, I’ll leave home and possessions to find a safer place. Houses can be rebuilt. There’s a big difference between inconvenience and death dealing destruction.

The same is true of the storms in my life that aren’t weather related. Heartache, pain, loss, and death. They hit home, wreaking havoc in my heart, mind, and soul. It’s easy to get lost in these storms; I’ll stay put and take the consequences for most of these, but seek a safe place when it’s beyond my strength.

Whatever type of storm comes, I’ll say a prayer for mercy and refuge. I’ll pray for myself and for others. I’ll seek shelter in the storm in the home that can never be destroyed: God’s loving embrace.

Good on the Road

It’s a snowy, icy, rainy mix today. Seen from inside a warm house, this is of no consequence; seen out the car windshield, it’s another story. I’m driving the electric Smart Car today, which is surprisingly good on slick roads. Its low center of gravity, good tread on the tires, and ample power when needed make it a good choice in bad weather. It may not look like much, but it travels the road better than many a larger and more obviously impressive vehicle.

Centered, a firm grip on the ground, and powerful when needed. Able to travel in uncertain conditions without getting stuck, lost, or becoming a danger to others. These are the qualities that make a car Smart, a friend beloved, and a life well lived. It’s also an accurate description of the life of faith.

It’s not about size or flash, taking up the most space or demanding constant attention. It’s about moving toward God, taking care of the others on the road, and staying in the present moment with all its beautiful uncertainty. Smart Car wisdom.

Letting Go

After dodging the cold everyone else had over the holidays, I am sniffling my way through the second week of 2015. It’s nothing terrible, but enough to keep me at home and quiet, limiting my activities to what is necessary or can be done without a lot of moving about: enough laundry for everyone to have clean sheets and clothes, enough cooking for meals and lunch boxes, necessary emails, and some writing will be enough for today. I’ll rest now rather than be forced to do so by escalating symptoms and secondary infections.

When I let go of my usual activities, I move into a different reality. I quiet my body, mind, heart, and soul. I become acutely aware of this time and this place: breathing, the rain on the window, the scent of candles recently lit. I come upon myself as a self rather than as an active agent in this or that context. A self held by God and aware of it.

I don’t need a cold to let go and quiet my self. Prayer and meditation, walking or looking at the ocean can get me there, too. Anywhere and any time, I can let go and give myself back to God. But there’s a cost. Spending time as a full self before God will cost me my faith in and fixation on all the partial selves that are happy to be limited to activities and accomplishments, worries and inabilities – the idolatry of brokenness and pessimism, the lure of surface spirituality, the misguided values that shred the soul and damage the body. Why does it often take an illness to give to God the very things that kill my soul?

IFF

It’s something I remember from high school math class, shorthand for “if and only if.” It means that one thing will happen only if something else does. Tom will buy apples from Bob IFF Donna buys pears from Tom. If Donna doesn’t buy pears, the Tom and Bob deal falls apart. You can also find IFF in short or long form in logic puzzles and online games. IFF creates conditions that affect everything else, making games more fun and solving puzzles challenging and possible. If and only if.

I think New Year’s resolutions often come from a game of “if and only if” we play with ourselves and others. I’ll train for a marathon, keep my home and mind free of clutter, eat only healthy foods, and accomplish more with fewer hours and less effort. Behind these resolutions is this hidden IFF: Happiness/love/success/contentment/worth will be mine if and only if I train for the marathon/keep my home and mind free of clutter/eat only healthy foods/ accomplish more.

I like “ if and only if” when it comes to equations, games, and puzzles; I’m suspicious of IFF when it shows up in real life for a couple of reasons:

1. Unlike games, equations, and puzzles, life is open ended. There are any number of things that can and do happen. If and only if assumes a closed reality.

2. IFF thinking assumes that I know the only or best way something can come about. The conditions I set may not be the way reality works.

3. Usually peace, happiness, love, and worth don’t come from getting a specific thing. If and only if may get me a particular object, but I’ll eventually want something else – and the cycle continues.

4. What I really want is to know that I’m not lost to myself, others, and most especially God.

In 2015, I’ll do my best not to reduce God, self, and neighbor to any IFF. I can’t do it alone, though. A holy life is always a life lived in communion, always lived in this expanding and sacred cosmos. Unconditionally mine and everybody else’s.

Old and New

What has been is what will be,

and what has been done is what will be done;

there is nothing new under the sun.

Ecclesiastes 1:9

2014 is on the way out, 2015 not yet arrived. My sons and I spent yesterday with my side of our family at our yearly New Hampshire post-Christmas gathering. In one way, there was nothing new about this year’s version of the decades old tradition. Most of the same characters showed up, with three absences due to work or other engagements. The menu was a mix of past favorites (chowder, chili, veggie sticks, and wine) and one or two new items (bread bowls and icebox cake). In another way, everything had changed. Last year, MacKenzie hadn’t been born yet, Kristen and Jay weren’t married, and my brother was still living in Arizona. The children have grown in ways seen and unseen, and the adults have changed in ways hidden and obvious. Life continues along its course, but everyone involved lives it in uniquely blessed ways. The same is true for countless other families coming together in countless other places; what has been done is what will be done.

But a new year is coming just as surely as an old year is leaving. Giving thanks for what has been, living into what is, and entrusting God with what will be – old and new, endings and beginnings. Letting go of the past to embrace the present and future – that’s my working definition of faith, December 28, 2014. Nothing new under the sun, and all things new every minute of every day.